Teenage Dream-Fuckin' A.

Why can't I just do it? Fucking bloody hell. If god is love and sex is lovely, why can't I have both?! Am I just being an ungreatful bitch? By not being willing to suppress my sexual appetite to "please god"? Y is giving into your id for a while so bad? Is hell even that bad? Idk anymore. From 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' and 'Secret Things', I've learned that manipulating people is bad, giving into love is good, and being honest and truthful is good. If people always comment on the love that burns within me, why does my father think I'm so lost? Y does he speak to me as if I'm of the devil? As if I have no love in my heart.. No god. Fuck people telling me who I am. If the way I live isn't really life, then I don't wanna fuckin' live. How can u tell me my life isn't beautiful. That the people in my life aren't beautiful? I'm sick to my stomach thinkin' about this shit. Every time I come home, I'm told my life, that I've worked so hard to have, is in shambles. As if he knew how glorious those 2am walks home were. As if he knew of the love letters. As if he had even the slightest idea how much I inspire those around me to love hard. Please, GTFO. I can't do this anymore. I don't feel at home anymore. I am a stranger here.  As hard as it is for me to say, my home is not here. I am thankful for all they've done for me. But, I am disappointed they don't recognize the joy I've come to have and be. I'm disappointed they don't recognize that that joy stems from things honest, lovely and good. Fuck it. Damn it. Damn it all to hell. Your god is suffocating me! My only covenant is to love. End of story mothafuckas.